Why you Instantly dislike some people !

Have you ever had an inkling of intuition telling you that a person you just met you can befriend and trust, while others you instantly want to run away from ? Has this happened to you ? I know it has for me.

I recall a friend of mine introducing me to a couple of her new acquaintances from work. One was bubbly and energetic, while the other disinterested and preoccupied with his own agenda. There was no confusion about it, I disliked the latter. While others were talking, he seemed to be in another plane and bored. His only thought was to “ONE UP” the person speaking. There was no engaging on what was said, only his words of wisdom. He didn’t seem to have a care about others.

Where do we get that intuitive response to guide us ? How does our brain recognize and distinguish those we approve or disapprove of instantly? I discovered some information about this that should be interesting to you.

” Our first impressions are based on how a few different parts of your brain process information. ” said Jessy Warner-Cohen. She is a New York psychologist with Northwell Health and a Psychology professor at Donald and Barbara Zucker School of medicine at Hofsta University. The three main portions of your brain that involve first impressions are the amygdala, posterior cingulate cortex and the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex. These parts of the brain come up with a first impression about someone in a little less than a tenth of a second according to a study in 2006 !!

These parts control emotions and emotional memory as well as the parts that control decision making she says. Therefore emotions, memory and decision making come together rapidly. That is the reason we believe this is our intuition telling us something instead of a complex set of processes our brain is automatically ready for. It’s easier to think this is MAGIC. However our thoughts travel faster than birds fly !

We come up with first impressions but not always accurate ones. The truth is the way we feel about someone that we just meet is more about physical traits, and who they remind us of. It can be based on how threatening or welcoming our perception of them is, our own experiences, and what our emotional state is when meeting them. It’s more about how open we are to them.

A smiling person is often seen as friendlier than someone not smiling. Although someone frowning may not reflect their inner warmth, but maybe a recent altercation that had a negative impact. Therefore we have to acknowledge the fact that a non-smiler doesn’t make their personality any less trusting.

Warner-Cohen writes that our Cognitive frames, based on our experiences and how we access what we see in light of those experiences, shapes how we integrate new information. We weave that info in based on what we already believe or know. This can even have ramifications on elections !! We are always looking to prove the ideas we already believe, instead of listening with an open mind to both sides.

We all have biases, whether we see them or not, and these effect how we process information. We like to confirm things we already believe to be true. Meeting new people and our beliefs about them are thrown into this pool of how we judge people in general. Therefore we can’t rely on first judgments.

Nevertheless, how someone looks really throws our brains into immediate judgement. We do hate to admit this !!! Some physical factors outweigh the others it seems. One common inflection is we perceive people with more symmetrical features as more attractive than less symmetrical. No ones body is completely symmetrical however.

For fun, there is an article that lists the most symmetrical face in Hollywood.

Guess who won ? George Clooney ! According to science.

Take a gander at this list of the Top 10 guys, and their scientific score based on Phi Ratio:

1 George Clooney 91.86%

2 Bradley Cooper 91.80 %

3 Brad Pitt 90.51%

4 Harry Styles 89.63%

5 David Beckham 88.96%

6 Will Smith 88.88%

7 Idris Elba 87.93%

8 Ryan Gosling 87.48%

9 Zayn Malik 86.5%

10 Jamie Foxx 85.46%

Pretty Impressive list huh ?

To get back to reality, our brain is waving red and green flags based on whether we like someone or not. We base this on past experiences and what society has made us believe about good and bad. The media does its best to tell you what to think, instead of allowing each person to come up with their own opinions based on fact. This is only getting so much worse in my opinion !!!!

Don’t believe all you see on the boob tube !! Most is dedicated to swaying your buying methods or to dissuade you from voting for someone not part of their intended candidates. This most recently I am particularly upset about. With the isolation and those out of work due to the Pandemic glued to the TV, this was a “Slam-Dunk” for media control ! Enough about that. That is another topic of discussion for a later post.

Truly we have to do some soul-searching to get over our discriminations based on our biases. Our past experiences and our environment do control our thoughts..Wrongly so at times.

I do hope this brings to light why we think the way we do and make quick judgements that are not always in our best interests. Nevertheless, that feeling that shoots pangs of fear through your bones if you are in danger, may be able to save your life one day. Don’t hesitate to run if needed !!! Size up every situation for what it is and use it to to the best of your ability !