Dating again in Mid-life ?!

So many are finding themselves back in the dating game after being in a relationship for many years, either widowed or divorced. This happened to me. While you would think at our age there would be a resemblance of mature dating experiences. Many men and women find themselves inexperienced, and feeling like they are back to their teen years when it comes to the dating world. We have to undo all those thoughts and beliefs that don’t work anymore !

Those in mid-life probably haven’t dated since they were in their 20s ! They find themselves paralyzed with anxiety as they imagine their younger selves and the boys they were dating a long time ago. However we all mature, well, most of us, and therefore this is the best time for anyone to date, right ?

There are new realities to deal with if you’re after 40-50. Some of these discoveries are illness, menopause, and impotence. Besides health issues, there is also that “Baggage”- welcome or unwelcome, that comes along with experiences and living for a while ! This shouldn’t make you settle for anyone less than who you deserve.

6 steps to begin Dating again :

1. Love yourself first I always recommend that before you rush out looking for love to fill that void, it’s important to be ok with who you are and be ok all alone ! I can’t stress that enough. Otherwise, you bring that damaged self to the next relationship, and that’s no place to begin again, and not fair to the next person. You need to look in the mirror and get comfortable with the one looking back. Begin to know who you are today and what value you can bring to a partner. You have grown wiser, and have much more to give.

2. Throw away your list
This list we all have that makes finding your perfect partner as hard as a needle in a haystack. Instead of focusing on things like appearance, really figure out the qualities and how you want to feel and be treated in a relationship. Mature women learn over the years that there are so many different attributes of a man they want, but were lacking in their previous relationship.

3. I’m a great catch ! I don’t have to change a thing There’s still more “me work” to be done when dating like a grown up. Forget about your disappointments and your belief that all men will act and treat you the same way ! Honestly, that’s on you, and hate to say it, but you allowed it. Own that so it won’t take place again ! You are valuable ! It’s about getting past your limiting beliefs or you’ll be stuck.

4. The How to
Make a plan of where and how you’re going to meet the right men and how you will do this. There are social meetups for every age group and activities. This will get you out of your house, because a lot of us have the same routine everyday at this point in our lives.

I found my husband in an online dating program called Match ! It does happen. I was busy with work, and being a single Mom, and didn’t have the time or energy to go to a bar/ lounge. Didn’t want that in my life anyway ! We do need to be proactive in choosing places where you’re going to potentially meet eligible men. They don’t appear out of thin air ! It’s Raining Men comes to mind. Hehe !

Men don’t always want to chase women ! Rules have changed since we were younger. It’s ok to show you’re interested in a person. Our male counterparts have been rejected since they were 14 years old at the dance. We think we have to deal with rejection, but they’ve had it 1000 times worse.

5. Now comes romance
So you’ve fallen in love with yourself. You’ve become realistic and flexible with the traits you’d like in a partner.You’ve opened up your social circle and got the date with a man you’re attracted to… now what?

On a first few dates, please don’t try to figure out if you’re going to marry him ! Realize that you don’t see what they are truly like right away. It’s funny, Chris Rock mentioned this on a comedy set, ” You aren’t meeting them, you’re meeting their representative !!! You want to put your best foot forward and you want to show personality. Putting your best foot forward means knowing that some baggage needs to be checked at the door.

I don’t think the first date is the time to share about your kids who are ungrateful, your bankruptcy case from five years ago, or your impending hysterectomy. I was never one to talk about exes or previous dates. Don’t even go there right away !

6. Should I stay or should I go?
Fast forward to a few dates in with this new man. You’ve reached the final step of dating like the mature woman you are. You’ve had some conversations which can lead to making the decision if they’re still a good partner? Are you feeling the good vibes and is his personality what you want in a new beau ? Then allow the relationship to unfold and truly get to know one another. But if this feeling changes, don’t be afraid to start all over again.

You must look in the mirror and see you’re really special and you have a lot to give. The right man will see this and be glad to be with you. The wrong man won’t, but that’s ok. It’ll be easier this time around — now that you know how to date like a grown up. Best of luck !