Facing your Phobias

Funny thing about people. We try to avoid pain and discomfort more than we strive for gain. Most people tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive. I believe that’s the reason why we hear “What am I doing wrong?” rather than “What am I doing right?”

Let’s talk about pain for a minute. A lot of people struggle with the pain of public speaking. Where does that pain come from? It’s a fear of feeling vulnerable in front of other people. Would we feel as vulnerable if we knew we could give a presentation flawlessly? No. We are afraid of making mistakes and looking silly. What if we could avoid that pain by learning from the most common and often simple mistakes that we all make.

As I’m sitting in my Toastmaster’s meeting, we are announcing what brought us to this group to begin with. I’ve gained so much confidence ! I’ve overcome my fear of communicating to a group in a fairly short time. I would literally shrink down in my seat when I was called on in class to answer a question. The sweat trickling down my forehead, and the shortness of breath as I tried to utter a few words was keeping me from excelling not only here, but in life ! The fear of public speaking is so real ! I liken it to someone tied to a chair with their mouth covered by tape, not being able to express themselves !

I listened as others had no problem giving speeches in class or giving a eulogy for a loved one that was so touching. I longed to be able to do this but my buckled knees, sweaty palms and labored breathing kept me away from doing anything about it. That was until I found Toastmasters.

Toastmasters is an organization that enables members to improve their communication skills in a safe, encouraging, supportive environment. People are often confused by the name ” Toastmaster “. Some think it’s about learning how to give toasts at family functions. A few even think the organization has something to do with making toast ! Nope !

What Toastmasters does:

Its mission statement states that it helps men and women learn the art of public speaking, listening, and thinking. These skills promote self actualization, enhance leadership potential, and foster human understanding. It benefits members in their lives, as well as in their careers they gain a big boost. A best selling author said, ” I’ve never met anyone who didn’t think Toastmasters was valuable to their career. We gain self-esteem, self-confidence, and assertiveness, which makes us better salespeople, managers and better leaders. ” Who couldn’t use this in their lives ?

The Toastmasters Member Testimonials:

Communication is critical to success in business and in life. Concerned about an upcoming interview? Anxious about speaking up during a meeting? Learn and practice techniques that will help you speak spontaneously with greater confidence and clarity. That’s what Toastmasters teaches you along with so much more.

What I’ve learned-Top 10 Mistakes that can make a presentation dull and what you can do to fix this:

1. TMI (TOO MUCH INFO)
   Overloading on data or just too much information. Blah! Blah! Blah!
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Useless information, more stories and a honed focus on your idea.
2. DREADFUL VISUALS
   Using too few or poor visuals.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Use inspiring and relevant visuals that will help your audience remember. Visuals don’t have to be slides.
3. SAMENESS
   Using the same vocal variety and/or the same emotional level of your presentation.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Change it up to bring the audience up and down; and interested.
4. GOING OVER TIME 
   Not being within the specified time limits and holding the audience captive.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Make sure to stay within your allocated time, even if you have to cut short.
5. DARTING EYES 
   Letting your eyes jump all over and not making enough genuine eye contact to connect with the audience.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Hold steady eye contact from person to person while being intentional about looking over the entire audience and not being robotic.
6. ENDING ON Q&A 
   Ending on Q&A is boring and diminishes the control you have to close out strong.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Do your Q&A towards the end but then finish with a powerful point or call to action.
7. TALKING TOO MUCH
   Talking non-stop and not engaging the audience, or even worse; reading your slides!
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Use interactive and engaging content with well-paced pauses to keep your audience’s attention.
8. USING CLIPART 
   There’s nothing that screams “rookie” more than clipart and stock photos.
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Use original and interesting visuals that will help the audience make connections to your content. Visuals should add to your story not take away.
9. I BEFORE YOU
   Using too many “I statements” in your presentation and not enough “you statements.”
   HOW TO ROCK IT
   Keep the I/you balance tipped towards your audience.
10. THE WEAK FINISH 
    The end is the last thing your audience hears from you. Don’t end on thank you or something weak.
    HOW TO ROCK IT
    End with a strong call to action or thought-provoking statement.

Think of your ending like a closing argument. Whatever you want your audience to do, think, or feel, make that apparent in your closing. Create an ending that will be so compelling and so obvious that the audience doesn’t need the cue of “thank you” to know you are finished.

Phobias come in all different shapes and sizes. It may be flying in a plane, spiders, social phobias etc. There are therapists that can help as well as programs. Mine used to be the Fear of Public Speaking. It no longer has a grip on me as it did before. Because I did not shrink back and avoid its clutches, I faced it head on with Toastmasters and their support group. It’s truly the only way to get past it. I found my lifeline and so can you. I encouragement you to seek out ways to overcome what disables you from living a life you may only envision. Life is short and there are always ways to change it for the better. Remember that.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt.